Working With Doubt in the Art Studio
I was in flow. Giddy yet grounded. Sunlight spilled onto a dozen or so partially finished works, and I was painting in sketchbooks for the fun of it. Every once in a while, I’d add to one of the incomplete pieces, a little at a time. This back and forth method was a game changer. I’d hit the sweet spot between process and product, and all was well in the world.
Then, the next day, I realized that a photo of one of my paintings on my website looked different than the original work. Better than the original. Way better, and that it wasn’t the only one. A short time later, I was plagued with self doubt, and eventually, the I Am a Terrible Artist and a Very Bad Person sketchbook cover by artist David Shrigley really resonated too well with me. I was racing inside, feeling like I needed to “fix” all the work that didn’t match its images immediately, then put them back up immediately. My thoughts cascaded down into the idea that I desperately needed to fix myself.
So I took a day off from making art and went for a walk, watched a movie, meditated, applied cuticle cream -anything I couldn’t “fail” at. I relaxed a bit. Got some perspective, and collected a few notes to self:
Toggling between purely fun art (usually in my sketchbook) and art I want to complete and/or sell feels good and is more fruitful for me than just fixating on the saleable work.
I can just stay out of the studio for a day or two or even three, if I’m having artistic performance anxiety. Stepping away feels healthy.
I can leverage image editing software to try on different filters as a way of making composition, value, and color choices. It’s actually fun.
I sometimes imagine Thich Nyaht Hahn behind me, tapping my right shoulder, and saying “It’s ok to go slow.” It is helpful when the thoughts and emotions are just…fast. It helps pause self deprecating remarks. It releases me from the pressure of deciding NOW.
When was the last time you experienced imposter syndrome as an artist? What helped you get out from under it? I would love to include your point of view with this community in the making.
